My dad passed away on 10 December 2008. I was asked by friends and relatives - are you ok? how do you feel? Do you need any support?
In all these questions asked to me - the questions in my mind were am I complete with my late dad? Was there anything not being said or done between me and my dad? Have I been a good son? Have I done enough to make him happy?
What I learned here is that it is good to be complete with all the people you interacted with. I used to leave things hanging and hope that the matter will be cleared by itself over time. These are unresolved energy around me. I have many regrets and guilts in the past because I have not completed many open issues between me and many others. Some of the completion I did in my journals and prayers as I am not in contact with them anymore or I do not know that I am incomplete with them. And also there are some which I do not have the courage to complete with them yet.
I am more present now. Sometimes I think I am present actually I am using my mind to be present. It is challenging to be present with the mind keeps on thinking, analysing and suggesting. I use 'short focus' in what I do to be present and stop the distraction of wanting to think about the future. It is just like completing many short assignments so that my mind will not wonder to la la land aimlessly.
I have this bad habit of wanting to be in the future NOW which causes me stress. When I am in this state, I am not present. Very tiring!
I have an insight today on this. I saw myself building my finances for the future happiness like the children educations, being debt free and a good retirement. I forgot to feel the essence of joy and happiness now with the kids and the life I have got.
Food for thought: I move from living a 'someday' life to living in the present and I am aware of the future needs. :)
I am light and easy.
ciao
Izam
In all these questions asked to me - the questions in my mind were am I complete with my late dad? Was there anything not being said or done between me and my dad? Have I been a good son? Have I done enough to make him happy?
What I learned here is that it is good to be complete with all the people you interacted with. I used to leave things hanging and hope that the matter will be cleared by itself over time. These are unresolved energy around me. I have many regrets and guilts in the past because I have not completed many open issues between me and many others. Some of the completion I did in my journals and prayers as I am not in contact with them anymore or I do not know that I am incomplete with them. And also there are some which I do not have the courage to complete with them yet.
I am more present now. Sometimes I think I am present actually I am using my mind to be present. It is challenging to be present with the mind keeps on thinking, analysing and suggesting. I use 'short focus' in what I do to be present and stop the distraction of wanting to think about the future. It is just like completing many short assignments so that my mind will not wonder to la la land aimlessly.
I have this bad habit of wanting to be in the future NOW which causes me stress. When I am in this state, I am not present. Very tiring!
I have an insight today on this. I saw myself building my finances for the future happiness like the children educations, being debt free and a good retirement. I forgot to feel the essence of joy and happiness now with the kids and the life I have got.
Food for thought: I move from living a 'someday' life to living in the present and I am aware of the future needs. :)
I am light and easy.
ciao
Izam
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